The hidden burnout behind everyday parenting tech.
By Associate Professor Camila Moyano Dávila.
A message too many
Clara is nine. Her mother, a single parent and full-time worker, was in the middle of an important meeting when her phone started buzzing. Seven messages from Clara’s school. Then a call. She stepped out to answer. The issue? Clara had forgotten her lunch.
That evening, Clara’s mother made a decision: she gave Clara a mobile phone. That way, if something came up, Clara could message her directly. A simple solution. Or so it seemed.
The promise of connection—and the pressure to respond
Digital communication between schools and parents is often framed as a convenience. It allows for real-time updates, quick problem-solving, and a sense of being “in the loop.” For working parents, especially those parenting alone, this can feel like a lifeline.
But it also creates a new kind of pressure: the pressure to always be reachable, to respond immediately, and to perform attentiveness. Ignoring a message from school—even briefly—can feel like a failure. What if something serious is happening? What if other parents respond faster?
In Clara’s case, the phone worked. The next time she forgot her lunch, she texted her mum, who used a food delivery app to send a meal to school. Problem solved.
But then it happened again. And again. Clara started “forgetting” her lunch every day. Burgers and chips were more appealing than homemade food. Her mother, now suspicious, began texting Clara daily to check if she had eaten what was packed.
From support to surveillance
What began as a tool for care quickly became a tool for control. Clara’s mother found herself constantly monitoring, checking, and responding. The phone, meant to reduce stress, became another source of pressure.
And it wasn’t just about Clara. In the class WhatsApp group, other parents were sharing updates, screenshots of school messages, and even photos of their children’s perfectly packed lunches. Clara’s mother began to feel she was falling behind—not just in parenting, but in digital parenting.
This subtle surveillance extended beyond children. Parents were watching each other too, comparing responses, routines, and reactions. The digital gaze was everywhere.
The hidden cost of hyper-connectivity
While Clara and her mother are fictitious, their experiences will feel familiar to many. Research shows that digital technologies rarely produce purely positive or negative outcomes. Instead, they reshape relationships in complex ways. In the case of parenting, they can offer flexibility and reassurance—but also amplify guilt, anxiety, and burnout.
Some questions we might ask:
- When does care turn into surveillance?
- Who benefits from constant connectivity—and who pays the price?
- How does digital comparison shape our sense of what “good parenting” looks like?
Rethinking digital care
Parental burnout is not just about being tired. It’s about being stretched too thin, emotionally and mentally, often in invisible ways. As we embrace digital tools in education and parenting, we must also ask: what kind of futures are we building?
Are we creating systems that truly support families—or ones that quietly demand more from them, while making them feel they’re never doing enough?
Camila Moyano Dávila is Associate Professor at Finis Terrae University School of Family Sciences, serving as Acting Director. She is a sociologist by training and holds a PhD in Social Sciences from the Université de Lausanne, Switzerland (2014-2017). She was a postdoctoral fellow at the Center for Educational Justice of the Faculty of Education of the Pontifical Catholic University of Chile (2018-2021). She has consulted national and international organizations on gender issues, science, and childhood and motherhood studies. She is the editor of the book on Educational Justice in Chile, in Spanish and English, and has published in various international journals, such as Family Relations and Families, Relationships and Societies. Her research areas are digital technologies in the family and school, digital social networks, educational justice, the STS approach, and new materialisms. Her teaching focuses on research design and advanced qualitative methods.
For more information on the work of the Centre for Sociodigital Futures, join our mailing list, follow us on X, Bluesky and LinkedIn or visit our webpage.